Take Back Your Power: Handle Criticism & Feedback
Image by Unknown (Squarespace Image library)
Strategies for taking it or leaving it.
As humans, we often seek feedback from others to gain insights into our behaviour, actions, and decisions. However, as a therapist, I emphasize the importance of recognizing that we have the power to decide the value of the feedback we receive. Each person's perspective is influenced by their own experiences, biases, and qualifications, making it essential to develop discernment skills to determine the usefulness of the information provided by another. Today we will explore valuable discrimination strategies to evaluate feedback effectively.
Breaking down the evaluation process by…
considering the credentials of the speaker
assessing the feedback for factual accuracy and absence of bias,
reasonableness and rationale
personal relevance
You can make informed decisions about the value of the feedback you receive and take back power to judge the usefulness of the words or comments that were just offered. Always keeping in mind, that any opinion put into the world is open to evaluation. It is either relevant and useful to you, designed to be harmful, or useless to you, and you get to decide that.
It’s like being the batter, you get to decide which pitch to take a swing at, and which pitch to let through to the back-stop. You don’t have to take a swing at everything that comes at you. You decide.
Is the opinion credible?
One key strategy for discerning the value of feedback is to consider the credentials of the speaker. Understanding the expertise, knowledge, and experience of the individual providing feedback can offer valuable context. Evaluate whether the person has relevant qualifications or expertise in the area they are providing feedback on. For example, feedback from a certified professional in a specific field carries more weight than opinions from individuals without relevant credentials. By considering the speaker's background and expertise, you can assess the credibility and reliability of the feedback provided. It’s either factual, evidence based and useful to you, or it isn’t. You may be feeling judged, but remember, you get to evaluate their credibility in return. You get to ask a speaker for their qualifications and sources - then judge their their accuracy. It isn’t a one-way street.
What evidence supports this feedback?
Another important aspect to consider is whether the feedback is factual, unbiased, reasonable, and useful to you. Information that is based on facts and evidence is more likely to be valuable than subjective opinions or baseless claims. Look for evidence supporting the feedback, such as specific examples or data. It’s ok to ask for it. Ask for the source so you can check it yourself or evaluate its credibility. Additionally, assess the presence of bias in the feedback. Biased feedback may be influenced by personal opinions, prejudices, or ulterior motives, which can distort the accuracy and usefulness of the information. Furthermore, consider whether the feedback aligns with reason and logic, considering different perspectives and potential alternative explanations. Ultimately, evaluate whether the feedback is relevant and applicable to your own personal circumstances and goals. Even information that is true, may not be useful to your long-term aspirations, but ignore it at your peril. Another useful question to ask yourself at this stage is – is this person for me or against me? What does this person gain or lose by this? What do I gain or lose if I change because of this? Criticism is rarely kind. Feedback is helpful and usually delivered in an understanding manner. They are delivered in entirely different ways. Give yourself permission to shut down meanness the moment you see the signs. Don’t take a swing at it – let it go through to the catcher. Choose your battles wisely.
It's all just information
It is important to remember that all feedback, regardless of its source, is only information. Ultimately, you have the power to decide whether the feedback is useful to you. Trust your own judgment and value-system in determining the value of the feedback. Consider the feedback as one perspective among many, and weigh it against your own knowledge, values, and aspirations. Reflect on whether the feedback resonates with your own beliefs and aligns with your goals and personal growth. By exercising this agency, you can use feedback as a valuable tool for self-improvement and decision-making, while maintaining autonomy over the value you assign to it. People have the right to voice an opinion, and you also have the right to validate it or not.
How Hypnotherapy Can Help You Handle a Critic
Hypnotherapy communicates with the subconscious mind. The subconscious mind is the home of our value system and our identity. Clients who are clear about what they value find it easier to recognise those values in others, and just as importantly, who does not embody those same values.
People with clear values naturally establish clear boundaries, and when those boundaries are breached it is obvious – this is a value breach.
When we take things personally, it’s often because our value system has been attacked. Once you are clear on your values, and what they look like out in the world, you will place more merit on people who share your values and live them. You will also place less credence on the words of those who do not operate in a reasonable or rational way. Your values are the compass that help you navigate the territory you move through.
Your values become a handbook or operation manual, and when others aren’t playing by the book – it is clear. Hypnotherapy helps the client to develop useful discrimination skills to switch off and create emotional distance from meanness in the moment. You can default automatically to your rulebook and disengage. It is a useful and empowering mental and emotional skill. You may have heard this skill referred to as “useful dissociation”.
Being clear about when it is safe to voice an opinion, or defend a boundary is also a crucial skill, but that is a blog entry in itself, and perhaps we can work through that important topic another day.
In conclusion, the value of the feedback you receive from others is determined by you. Yes, you!
You can choose to take it or leave it. When you are clear in your values, you can easily recognise a boundary breach. By employing valuable discrimination strategies, such as considering the credentials of the speaker and evaluating the feedback for factual accuracy, lack of bias, reasonableness, and personal relevance, you can make good decisions about the value of the feedback. Recognize that all feedback is only information, and it is up to you to decide if it is useful and applicable to your own growth and goals. By cultivating discernment skills, you can harness the power of feedback to enhance self-awareness and facilitate personal development and by using hypnotherapy to develop useful dissociation skills you can take back your power when you determine your boundaries are trespassed unfairly in a calm and centred way.
Author - Andrea Loughran Hypnotherapist
The Beautiful Mind Hypnotherapy